Feeling guilty about playing video games?

Feeling guilty about playing video games?
Photo by Vinicius "amnx" Amano / Unsplash

HOOK

I often have dreams of achieving big things.

Starting my own business, becoming a millionaire, writing a book.

These thoughts sometimes creep up when I have time to stop and think, or I am having a bad time in work, and inevitably, it leads to me asking the question:

"Am I spending my time in a worthwhile way?"

Pondering this question is undoubtedly an invaluable way to spend your time, especially if you feel like you are in a rut.

Personally, video games are one of the things that I comes into question, along with certain tedious or unfulfilling work-related tasks. But unlike the work tasks, I love playing video games.

And so I sometimes ask myself:

Should I feel guilty about the time I spend playing video games?

Would I have achieved more had I not played as much?

Would I be happier as a result?

Video games are something that I have grown up with and spend thousands of hours playing over the years, and of which I have many fond memories:

  • Laughing hysterically with friends as we played hide and seek in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 after school
  • The utter joy, relief and sense of accomplishment that coursed through me whenever I defeated a boss in Dark Souls
  • Using games like Among Us and Dungeons & Dragons to socialise with my friends during the COVID-19 lockdown, when seeing friends in person was near impossible, and having some very memorable evenings

I feel pressure from family members, friends, and society at large to do something more 'productive' than playing a couple of hours of video games of an evening.

Some of it comes as direct pressure, such as my mum telling me outright that "I don't do much with my time". Now to be clear, she didn't mean this in an overly negative way, but rather to motivate me to pick up a more worthwhile hobby (in this case, returning to play field hockey.

Other direct pressures may come from productivity or self-development writers and YouTubers, who often advocate for being as strict as possible with your time, often grouping video games alongside things like television as a purely entertainment time sink.

Additionally, there are many more subtle, indirect pressures that force us away from video games.

A major one is the embarrassment or even shame that people can feel when telling people that they play video games as a hobby, especially as an adult.

grayscale photo of woman sitting on concrete block
Photo by Moritz Schumacher / Unsplash

When asked what my hobbies are, gaming obviously comes to my mind almost immediately but almost without fail the words get caught in my throat - weighed down by my doubts about how that will be perceived.

Many other pressures exist, both direct and indirect, and they all centre around one primary idea: that gaming is not a worthwhile hobby, or at the very least, that is purely entertainment, and that almost any other endeavor is a better use of your time.

TRANSFORMATION

Enduring these pressures my whole life I has, at times, almost got me to believe them. And sometimes they are true - some people do have an unhealthy relationship with video games.

But do all of us? No, we don't.

During my 5 years of university, I dropped video games almost entirely - buying into the idea that video games would only harm my studies and be a waste of time.

It was only upon graduating that I started playing again (I bought a second-hand PS4 with my very first paycheck) - and fell back in love with gaming.

But to this day, the pressures rear their heads and occasionally make me question if I should continue playing.

Now I have a solid answer to why I should keep playing.

Because I love it.

I constantly find myself being drawn back into video games:

  • Reviewing my League of Legends games in my head - trying to think of how I can improve and play my next game better
  • Reliving the beautiful drawn scenes from the Mythic Tales in Ghost of Tsushima (my favourite video game artwork ever)
  • Jumping into an outrageous shooter coop game with my friends to unwind and catchup

I have come to realise that spending time doing something you love is not a waste of time, and making a decision to spend time on it and putting effort into is can be truly rewarding.

Diving back into video games has helped me develop tools to dealing with the pressures and almost totally stopped me feeling guilty about playing.

You can also use these tools the next time your family questions your gaming, or the next time you feel embarrassed to tell someone about your hobby, or when you feel like there is a big vague goal that you would be better off working towards.

  • Feel less guilty
  • Be more fulfilled
  • Have a healthier relationship with video games

The WIC Method

1) Walk

Give yourself space and time to think.

Think about what you enjoy doing, what comes effortlessly to you, what excites you.

Conversely, ask yourself: what do you dislike doing, what tasks do you find yourself putting off, when you have tried making progress towards a goal in the past, what has stopped you?

Finally, if you have (or ever have) any feelings of guilt when indulging in those hobbies/activities, where do those feelings of guilt come from? Is it from your family and friends? Do you feel like you should be working harder on another goal or project?

Identifying these things is the first step to helping you know how and where your time should be spent.

Gaming was one of the things that I identified as something I enjoyed and I am guessing that you may have too! However, if not - that's okay! I encourage you to think about this in a very holistic sense - don't limit this to gaming, think about work, other hobbies, how you spend time with friends and family, etc.

When thinking about this make sure that you have no distractions (that means no listening to podcasts or watching YouTube videos). Music can be okay, but avoid anything with lyrics so that you can channel your focus into pondering these questions.

Two of my favourite pieces of music for this are:

  1. Vivaldi: The Four Seasons - performed by the Orquesta Reino de Aragón, and
  2. Riot Games Music's Diana Sessions

Walking has been my go-to method for achieving this.

Not only does it give you time alone with your thoughts, it also gets you:

  • Moving more (gets those steps in),
  • Exposure to sunlight (vitamin D deficiency is one of the most common deficiency's in the west - especially if you work a desk job (in Scotland) like I do!
  • Gets some fresh air

I love going out for a walk first thing in the morning for 30 minutes for these reasons - it sets me up for the day ahead. I've also created a little game for myself where I take a picture of the same scene o my morning walks, to make a little bit more fun and give me something extra to look forward to.

Don't think of walking as a one-off activity. In fact, I highly recommend that you incorporate it into your daily life. Consistently making time to unwind, be alone with your thoughts, or just be outside has become one of my most important routines.

Give it a try and feel the difference for yourself.

2) Inspire

Having pondered these questions you should have a much better idea of what you enjoy doing, and what you are naturally drawn to, as well as why you feel guilty.

For me, video games was inevitably one of these things that I come back to time and time again, and I assume since you are reading this article that it is for you too.

If not, no problem - these steps will help you feel less guilty about partaking in any hobby.

Our environment is a primary source of pressure and guilt. Review the environment you create yourself.

  1. Review the pages/people that you follow on social media.
    Social media has become an essential part of many people's lives, but it can have as many negative impacts as positive (and oftentimes more). People preaching why you should wake up at 5am everyday, exercise daily for 2 hours, cook all your meals from scratch, etc. Although well-meaning, this can create unrealistic expectations. Unfollow/unsubscribe/remove those that you no longer watch or pay attention to, that make you feel guilty about your hobby, or that no longer serve a purpose for you. This will reduce the unwanted noise that you must face whenever you access them, remove some of the sources of your guilt, and make room for things that make you feel good about your hobby.
  2. Explore new creators and consolidate your feeds.
    Find new creators, people and pages that spark your fascination in your hobby, that inspire you to be a better gamer, to have a healthy relationship with gaming, or just simply get you excited to play. Less is more in this case - we want quality over quantity. Having 3 creators you love is better than 12 you think are okay. This is a hugely personal choice, and may depend on what games you play, but if you want some recommendations to get started my top 3 YouTube channels to check out are:
        • The Broken By Concept Podcast - a League of Legends podcast that focuses heavily on having a growth mindset and having a good relationship with yourself and gaming - great even if you don't play League
        • Mark Maxwell - this guy creates fantastic videos talking about human behaviour when playing games, and gives some advice on how to make your gaming experience more enjoyable, as well as giving some great game recommendations
        • HealthyGamerGG - A YouTube channel ran by Dr K., an American psychiatrist who gets into the nitty gritty of psychology in gaming From overcoming gaming addiction, managing dopamine, brain fog, even being in a relationship as a gamer, he goes into some really interesting topics that can help you be a more rounded person whilst getting the most out of your gaming.
  1. Find your gaming circle.
    Not everyone will understand or appreciate you playing games. That's okay! Find people that have the same hobbies and interests as you. Talking about the things you love with others who love it is one of the most connecting experiences we can ask for. When dealing with the people that don't get gaming as yourself: is this person important to me? If no, then spend less time with them. Or better yet, stop spending time with them. Of course, this is not always possible if that person is in your friend group, coworker, relative, etc. In these cases, we can do one of two things: (i) avoid talking about gaming altogether, or if you are feeling brave, (ii) have a conversation about it with them, explain why you love gaming, why to you it's more than just entertainment, and how their judgement of your hobby makes you feel (this is difficult but can lead to the best end results).

3) Commit

You now know what you want to spend time on, and found some people that inspire you to play, or friends with which to share your interests.

Now you just have to commit to it!

Set aside regular time for your hobby. This can be whenever suits you. Personally, I like to write in the morning, work my 9-5, make make dinner / do chores, then I have 1-2 hours of gaming in the evening.

Doing it in this order allows me to to really focus and give all my attention to what I am playing. This is particularly important for high intensity games like League of Legends, or first-person shooters.

4) Bonus Tips

I also have one or two bonus tips that help me to get the most out of my hobby and my gaming sessions. I wanted to recommend them as I think these are two extremely valuable pieces of advice.

  1. Taking breaks
    If gaming is a hobby, it shouldn't feel like a chore to you. There have been times when I am grinding League very hard and I get lost in the weeds trying to climb the ranked ladder, and I forget that I play the game because it's fun and I want to enjoy the experience. Taking a day or two off from a game when you get this sort of brain fog is perfectly fine, in fact it's be really good. Often you will come back with more energy and enthusiasm.
  2. Keep a gaming journal
    A tip I recently heard from Mark Maxwell and that I have been having a really enjoyable time employing. I have a dedicated notebook to record my thoughts and plans after every gaming session. The notes cover two main things: (i) what I just did, and (ii) what I want to do next. Writing about what I just did helps me to keep track of my progress and to get a greater feeling of satisfaction from gaming overall. Writing out what I plan to do next gives me a goal and sense of purpose for my next session, so that I have clear direction with where I want to go. Feel free to include other thoughts and feelings here as well!

Whenever guilt begins to plague your hobbies, employ the WIC Method, and inject the joy back into it. Remember, life's too short to worry too much about what other people think.

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Thanks friends, see you in the next one.

Jack